The Porn Cynic Sex Blog

Well good news, the blair witch has changed her mind about killing people and has apparantly decided to start hardcore fucking in the woods.
This goth porn is a little scary.
I like goth girls. I do, I’ve had my share. I’m more than glad to pick one up in a bar, I’d take one […]

To finish out our week of old folks I figured I’d share a gallery from one of my weirder sponsors, Fuck Me Grandpa. Yup.
Check this shit out:
That is a man, older than hell, getting hotter pussy than most of us may ever dare to dream of. It almost makes me want to cry. […]

And this is why I never ‘pop in’ to my parents’ house.
I remember a time. A time when male porn models had to have certain dimensions to be in porn. They had to be in shape, or if they weren’t, they’d have to have enormous genitalia to make up for it. Apparently, that doesn’t matter […]

Fucktron….ONLINE
I’m going to come right out and say I’m not a fan of hentai in the slightest. However, I know the difference between good hentai, and terrible hentai. This is worse than terrible hentai. I mean seriously, look at it. The drawing is absolutely atrocious. I could piss in the snow and make characters that […]

Well, i was under the impression that in most states it was impossible for someone who is mentally deficient to consent to sexual things including sexual photography but apparantly i was wrong.
Zap Zap BOOM BOOM I AM PLAYING STARWARS
yup. Wow.
so what we’ve got here is a midly attractive woman IN THE OUTER SPACE. […]

For those of you who saw that last gallery and were offended by it I offer you a little bit of sexy ass met-art to act as some “Eye Bleach” and get things cleared up. I cant garuntee you’ll get an errection but I can garuntee that if you dont you should consider heading […]

Holy fuck I’ve been blinded. I’m sorry for any mispellings or mistypings that happen in this post but I cant be blamed because my eyes have shut down almost entirely in a desperate act of self preservation. I’m seeing 200/20 and i’m lucky to have gotten that back.
Grandma? Is that you?
I […]

Good lord.
Good christ in heaven.
I’m almost speechless.
This crazed monkey bitch has sent my cock into a recession.
How can you not look at this and immediately think planet of the apes?
Need a little help? here ya go:

Good lord lady. First off you have no business being shot out in the sun because you’ve got […]

THIS IS NOT OKAY
THIS IS NOT OKAY
THIS IS NOT OKAY
Yeah, holy FUCK is about all I can say about this. I’m looking for some hot anal porn, and amongst the beautiful galleries of girls getting their assholes stuffed by cock I find this gem. I mean, wow. If a guy is looking for anal sex […]

Huzzah!
Honestly, this is a pretty good gallery. The girls are hot, and the outfits are fucking sexy. I’m not even a fan of “cosplay” or even girl on girl porn, but I can admit this is pretty hot. At least, in comparison to the rest of the shit I’ve seen.
To point out the negative, the […]

Christine conners is the newest chunk of change in the adult online piggy bank and she’s a peice of ass I’d love to nail all weekend long.
When her site launched, being an affiliate of the program she’s working with, I got an email letting me know she had some galleries up for folks to see. […]

High Heels + Cowboy Hat + Gloves + Phonebooth - Intelligence = Me, crying.
This is supposed to be some kind of cosplay, but could someone please explain to me what in the FUCK IS GOING ON? A girl mostly naked, save a white cowboy hat, some debutant gloves, and high heels…hanging out inside a […]

Just a short update today this beautiful sunday evening, before my adult swim starts and I get to enjoy the love and bliss that is robot chicken.
I love a good looking girl in panties, too bad she isnt one
I see london i see france….
Get a little more sun because I see skin cancer in your […]

I dont know about you, but sometimes when I see those ‘realistic’ dildos with the balls attatched on them, well, it makes me feel a little uncomfortable.
With the right lighting and the right filters sometimes they can just look, well, too real. Lorena Bobbit real. I mean, sincerely, like she’s a crazy […]

I’d like a salad please, hold the labia.
Here’s a gallery that is promoting a site entitled “6BuckAnal”. Apparently for six dollars a month, I can’t lose. I love the creativity for the site name, also. I mean in a world filled with names along the lines of “Black Meat’s White Treat” or “Mr. Chew’s Asian […]

I just want to upfront say that I find this girl attractive, I really do. I want nothing more than to put my fucking face between her legs and spend the rest of my life licking that clit until she drowns me. What a way to go.
But this is a case of a […]

Well due to popular demand we finally added a contact form so you people can bitch to us in private other than the email box. Dont get all flattered, we still really dont give a fuck what you think, but my lawyer says if I’m going to go around calling people fuckheads I needed […]

Holy crap! I can’t see my chest!
What in the FUCK is up with the camo underwear? Does someone out there think it’s stylish to have puke-green underwear? Assuming, of course, everyone is smart enough to realize camo’d underwear holds no utility. This picture shoot is just terrible to me, the girl in my opinion is […]

In a time when my country is at war, one would think that people would have a bit of respect for our troops. The latest insult to our boys and girls in green (or brown in the desert) is this terrible fucking gallery here.
GI JOE!
Imagine you’ve looked over a model website and you’ve found […]

I know you’re horny..but..my assignment!
This gallery is supposed to take place in a class room, the fantasy it’s going for is “a teacher fucking his student”. Of course, there’s some awful shit about the scenery for me to just ignore. First of all, the backdrop. Give me a fucking break, it’s like it’s straight out […]

You find something wrong with this gallery then you let me know, cause i’ve masturbated to it until the skin on my dick crusted and fell off, and I still cant find it.
Best part is she has the snow chains on for traction. That is some seriously fucking hot met art goodness.
I […]

Is it possible?
Oh, look, a gallery that actually gave me an erection. That’s no small feat considering my 2 inches of fury hates everything as much as I do. I love the woman, she looks mature, and still looks hot. She has huge natural tits which is very very A+ for me. I can’t really […]

Welcome to my living ro…er…examining room
I understand that 90% of reality sites are completely and totally false. I realize they can’t be real because the girls would notice the camera crew in the place they’re at. However, some sites go the extra bit to try and make it seem at least somewhat believable, and I […]

Well, its good to see Uniform porn. I Love it, you love it, we love it. Cosplay porn is dear and near to my heart and I’ll be honest with you a hot asian girl dressed up as some jedi chick or a video game character from a game I enjoyed, well its […]

I’m a teenager so that means I have to masturbate EVERYWHERE!
Know what really turns me on? The idea of masturbating in one’s kitchen. Who hasn’t walked to the fridge to make a sandwich and then just whipped it out and rubbed one out right there? Oh, I know, NO ONE HAS. It’s such a stupid […]